Over Protected Kids

[BeauV]

All,

For some time I've been getting this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that kids are getting way way WAY too much "protection" while growing up, and I've been pushing those thoughts away as just being my getting old. Well, it turns out that there's some evidence that the pit of my stomach is right. Have a look at this:


http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200411/nation-wimps

Beau

[Olaf Hart]

Do you have a fleet of Beneteaus circling and coaching the Quentins and Chloe's in the Opti races?
We do.

[BeauV]

'Round here it's usually parents in overpriced rubber boats and the professional "coaches". As a race officer I end up spending far too much energy keeping the parents and coaches away from the kids. You'd be amazed how often a little girl will come up to me and ask: "Are you the head of the Race Committee?" "Yes" I reply. "Could you PLEASE ask my parents to leave me alone, it's embarrassing! Isn't it against the rules?" So I set up to have a chat with the parents. Some of whom are quite furious at the request that they obey the rules, and some are utterly unaware of the rules or prohibitions about on the water coaching in the sailing instructions.

A club I belong to has a sailing camp out a long way away from town, parents are NOT allowed during the coaching. One of our sons taught sailing there for three years in high-school and college during the summers and came back with all sorts of stories about how thrilled the kids were to just be "kids" without the sorts of hyper supervision they normally lived under.

BV

[bob perry]

I had just got the Escape dinghy. I took it up to the beach shack. Spike was up there when Jill and I decided to go shopping. Spike wanted to stay at the beach. I think he was 12 years old. He had his buddy Jeff there with him. Mom and I went shopping and when we got back Spike, Jeff and the dink were nowhere in sight. I scanned the horizon and there, miles away was a tiny dot of an orange sail. I could barely see it. I didn't have a runaboat at that time so there was nothing I could do but sit and wait. A few hours later Spike and Jeff landed the dinghy safely in front of the shack. I wanted to get mad at them but I held back. I tried to act nonchalont. "Did you enjoy your sail?" I knew that in those few hours out on the Escape had learned a lot of sailing lessons. Handling a boat by themselves gives kids confidence and a sense of responsability.

When I look back atb the things I did right and the things I did wrong in life I know for sure that I taught my boys to be good sailors. I did that part good.

[Courtney]

It goes beyond children, unfortunately. We're living in a time where we celebrate medicroty and admonish the successful (because it's not fair for some to succeed and for some to fail). Every other commercial is about some kind of soap that kills 99.9% of germs, even though I thought our immune systems needed to be exposed to germs to be strong. Good luck finding a product that isn't anti-bacterial. The NFL is being berated for being a "dangerous" sport because, well, people get injured. Schools are starting to ban games for the same reasons. Increasingly we're being told that sameness and fairness is good. Equal outcomes rather than equal opportunity. It scares me, it really does. Whatever happened to striving for excellence, doing your best, taking risks, earning success? Failure is just a part of figuring things out, and you can't appreciate success without stumbling and failing, can you? Toddlers know that instinctively. How many times do they fall then get up and try walking again?

I do not have children, but I would love to one day. If/when I do, they will be home-schooled so I can spare them the mamby-pamby bullsh!t they're exposed to in schools and playgrounds today. If I have boys, I'll encourage them to play in the sand, climb the trees, go exploring, get bruised, play sports (if they want to play sports). Go hunting and fishing with dad. Be boys. What's so wrong with boys being boys? If they want to play soldier, go play soldier. Have fun. Live! Boys need to prove themselves, they need to build confidence by taking risks, failing and trying again. Heck, that what life used to be about. And if my girls want to play soldier too, go! Have fun. Get dirty. My sister and I went out into the backyard with spoons and dug in the dirt. It was fantastic. If girls want to play dress up, play dress up. Let kids be kids and play, then raise them with rules. What's allowed, what isn't. Where you can be loud, where you can't.

Okay end rant. Yes, children are being overprotected, but so are adults. Why do you think there's a sudden rise and fascination/obsession with post-apocolyptic stories? Why the proliferation of zombie shows and movies? Because we're longing for the struggle, to prove ourselves, to extend past what's comfortable. Humans long to do more than just be, we want to survive, face odds and conquer. Be great. And we can't be great when we're coddled.

[kdh]

BV, we should probably allow, just a little, that we're old farts spinning "kids these days" yarns the way our parents did.

But I still think you're right. Adele falls off of her pony, gets the wind knocked out of her and climbs back on. Riding is dangerous and falling off is part of it.

Adele has twins her age who live right next door who have scheduled activities at practically all times. Adele is outside playing in her tree fort, on her swings, making snow-tube runs in the snow and sledding down them. We've invited the twins over repeatedly but for the usual reasons Adele has never played with them other than inside under one of their nanny's supervision. So it's not enough to want for your kids what we had. It takes a village.

Bob, I've had a similar experience where I've found myself wanting to discipline Adele for making me worry. That I worried doesn't necessarily make her actions that caused it wrong.

[BeauV]

Bob,

I have a wonderful memory of my old man in the little gaff cutter SOL STRAALE sailing up next to my sailing dinghy about 3 miles from shore off of Los Angeles on a beautiful day with light winds and a flat sea. I was still heading offshore. As he was overtaking me I was doing everything I could to stay ahead! He didn't say a word, just sailed by me to leeward far enough away that we couldn't speak easily. Then, after about an hour he tacked and started to head back in. I was getting hungry, as any 12 year old without lunch will, and so I tacked back around and followed him in. At the time, it never occurred to me that he was keeping an eye on me. He was sailing his boat and I was sailing mine. Now that I'm a dad and grandfather, I realize he was probably worried sick (he was a BIG worrier) and was out making sure I was safe. But he let me continue sailing, no words of caution, no worried look, just a wave as he sailed past. It is one of my most cherished memories and helped me to avoid over-protecting my kids.


Courtney & Keith,

Being different from other folks is hard. It is especially hard, in my experience, when a kid is a teenager and trying hard to fit in. I think we have to get our kids pretty well sorted out before they're 10 or we loose the opportunity. Adele sounds like she's pretty darn lucky - tree house! Geeesh! It's great she plays in it; and I would have enjoyed growing up as one of Courtney's kids. My son and daughter were home-schooled on the boat, and while at home through middle-school. Then, it got impossible. They really did need to be sharing the experiences of other kids in a high school. Of course, by then they were pretty set in their ways and did well staying as 'them' rather than some other evil movie version of a teenager.

I think Courtney nailed it when she pointed out that this applies to adults as well as kids. I think its tied in, somehow, with this desire to blame someone else for things that go wrong. When there's a major wreck some sort of weird reality distortion zone appears and what seem to be reasonable people start saying things like "They didn't build that plane right, it shouldn't have crashed just 'cuz..... " fill in the blank. It goes on and on. It is everyone else's fault, never the person who had the wreck.

This attitude manifests itself in a wonderful way in the language we use in our country, and as usual George Carlin NAILS IT HERE: http://youtu.be/h67k9eEw9AY A "Car Crash" became an "Accident" etc.... Indeed Mr. Carlin nails a lot of great things and if you haven't seen his Pussification bit, it's well worth watching.

Ah well.... Keith is probably a little bit right, I am an old fart talking about "back in my day". But it sure feels like something is sort of broken here.

BV

[bob perry]

Beau:
I'll bet you that your Dad was really proud of you that day. I will also bet that he never forgot that day either.

[BeauV]

Beau:
I'll bet you that your Dad was really proud of you that day. I will also bet that he never forgot that day either.

Bob, I sure hope so. I did a lot of crapy thinks when I was a teenager and my Dad and I didn't get along all that well. Finally, when I was in my 30s I figure out that my old man was one of the greatest people I'd ever known. From then on, we had a great time together. I do know that I didn't turn out anything like what he expected me to be. When I was about 17 he was convinced I was a completely asshole, and he was probably right. Later, he admitted I'd improved a bit. I miss that old fart almost every single day. Beau

[Soñadora]

If you can keep them in one place for a while, we've found that to be safe enough.

[floating dutchman]

With our boy I've always had the idea that kids have to learn that falling hurts, especially boy's, boy's seem to struggle with this concept.
Always said to the Mrs that when he is three feet tall, he only has three feet to fall, he has to learn that falling hurts now because if he doesn't now he might learn it when he gets a car, then it's too late.

And the way my 18 month old daughter is going, How can something so small and cute be so disruptive, LOUD and destructive?
Last night, after three hours screaming,jumping all over her brother and me, climbing on the table, trying to wreck any toy (hers or her brothers) throwing any toy and breaking a plate I tried to sit down and do Page's homework with him. "Hey, let's go to the boat and do this".
Don't know how my wife remains sane.
Son's might be onto something here!

[BeauV]

If you can keep them in one place for a while, we've found that to be safe enough.

I LOVE THIS!!! I'm sending it to our daughter ASAP!