I just can't resist! You'll just have to look away.....

[BeauV]

OUCH! Well played.

[Tucky]

A Cockney walks into a fish and chip shop and says:
"Foive quids werf uv farkin fish n chips"
The server said "I beg your pardon. What did you say?"
He replied "I said Foive quids werf uv farkin fish n chips"
She says " if you come around this side of the counter and I go to your side, I'll show you how to do it properly"
They exchange places and she says "Please can I have 5 pounds worth of fish and chips"
He replies "fark orf. Git aaht ov 'ere. Ya wouldn't serve me !!"

Are videos ok-

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGxKhUuZ0Rc[/youtube]

[BeauV]

Ah, YES! The Scots. There's a good reason the Romans built a wall to keep 'em out of England!

[kimbottles]

Yah and don't forget it laddie!!

[BeauV]

Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol.

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol
against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.

Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma , Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband
discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly
emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting
her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with
me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got
him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my
collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.

[Orestes Munn]

Too verbose.

What's brown and sticky?














A stick.

[cap10ed]

A Cockney walks into a fish and chip shop and says:
"Foive quids werf uv farkin fish n chips"
The server said "I beg your pardon. What did you say?"
He replied "I said Foive quids werf uv farkin fish n chips"
She says " if you come around this side of the counter and I go to your side, I'll show you how to do it properly"
They exchange places and she says "Please can I have 5 pounds worth of fish and chips"
He replies "fark orf. Git aaht ov 'ere. Ya wouldn't serve me !!"

Are videos ok-

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGxKhUuZ0Rc[/youtube]

That video is okay.

[Soñadora]

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'

[cap10ed]

Power Outage :

Last week we had a power outage and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately.

It was raining (pouring, actually). I couldn’t go sailing, play golf, softball – nothing – so I sat down and talked to my wife for about an hour and a half.

She seems like a nice person.......

[Cherie320]

Power Outage :

Last week we had a power outage and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately.

It was raining (pouring, actually). I couldn’t go sailing, play golf, softball – nothing – so I sat down and talked to my wife for about an hour and a half.

She seems like a nice person.......

TISK, TISK, TISK.....Talking is not what is suposed to happen in a power outage. Did you learn absolutely nothing from the data developed in the vast NY sociology experiment?

[cap10ed]

Power Outage :

Last week we had a power outage and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately.

It was raining (pouring, actually). I couldn’t go sailing, play golf, softball – nothing – so I sat down and talked to my wife for about an hour and a half.

She seems like a nice person.......

TISK, TISK, TISK.....Talking is not what is suposed to happen in a power outage. Did you learn absolutely nothing from the data developed in the vast NY sociology experiment?

Dam forgot about that one. Candles, wine, naw, getting too old for kids .

[SloopJonB]

You're never too old to BEHAVE like kids.

[JoeP]

You're never too old to BEHAVE like kids.

Right! For proof we have the U.S. congress.

[Ish]

You're never too old to BEHAVE like kids.

Right! For proof we have the U.S. congress.

I dunno, Joe. From up here it looks like the lunatics are running the asylum. Good luck with that.

[SloopJonB]

That's what I was thinking - most children are smarter and better behaved than that bunch.

The USA deserves better.

[BeauV]

Sadly, the US is getting precisely what it elected - a bunch of over-paid idiotic buffoons. We have no one to blame but ourselves, we elected these idiots!

The saddest part of all this is that the "shut down" has been estimated to cost about $55 billion. Imagine what could be done with that money?? But, the worst bit is that this is just the run-up to the BIG fight over the debt ceiling. Estimates are that if the US defaults on its debt, the US Treasury will have to pay a higher interest rate to get folks (like China, Japan and the Netherlands) to but our bonds. The amount of "damage" in additional interest payments the US will need to make is anyone's guess, and it really is just a guess. In 2011 we had a "near miss" on a default and that little episode, in which the US actually didn't default, cost over $19 billion in additional interest payments. There are estimates that a real default could easily cost the US over a trillion dollars in increased interest on the debt it already has, because that debt has to be rolled over on a regular basis which gives bond holders an opportunity to demand higher interest rates.

You can understand that many of us have great difficulty understanding why the crowd of buffoons, who are astoundingly arrogant about how "right" they are, can be allowed to add another trillion dollars to the problem as part of a political squabble. There should be capital punishment for this sort of crime against society.

[JoeP]

We need more statesmanship and less showmanship IMO. Knee jerk reactions whining and name calling never produced results in my family but lively, reasoned, discussions around the dinner table helped us all understand each other and come to terms with our differing points of view.

Here's an interesting piece from Forbes:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/robasghar/2013/10/01/the-3-reasons-congress-approval-rating-is-at-10/

[BeauV]

We need more statesmanship and less showmanship IMO. Knee jerk reactions whining and name calling never produced results in my family but lively, reasoned, discussions around the dinner table helped us all understand each other and come to terms with our differing points of view.

Here's an interesting piece from Forbes:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/robasghar/2013/10/01/the-3-reasons-congress-approval-rating-is-at-10/

Joe, since Sept 27-29, when the pole cited in the Forbes article was taken, Gallup says that Congress' approval rating has fallen another 10%+ to the high 8 to 9 percent range. A simply astounding number. I can attest to the tribal myopia that many feel about their own congressperson. Folks in CA adore Pelosi and my friends elsewhere hate her. BV

[Jamie]

We need more statesmanship and less showmanship IMO. Knee jerk reactions whining and name calling never produced results in my family but lively, reasoned, discussions around the dinner table helped us all understand each other and come to terms with our differing points of view.

Here's an interesting piece from Forbes:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/robasghar/2013/10/01/the-3-reasons-congress-approval-rating-is-at-10/

Joe, since Sept 27-29, when the pole cited in the Forbes article was taken, Gallup says that Congress' approval rating has fallen another 10%+ to the high 8 to 9 percent range. A simply astounding number. I can attest to the tribal myopia that many feel about their own congressperson. Folks in CA adore Pelosi and my friends elsewhere hate her. BV

The scary thing is that through gerrymandering, it's said that many of the congressmen are not afraid of their re-election prospects despite the low overall rating.

[Ish]

The French have come up with many useful inventions, this one seems particularly appealing right now. Our little corner of the world is rapidly being ruined by an arrogant, ignorant elite.

[Orestes Munn]

The situation at the NIH just too depressing to describe.

[BeauV]

The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar.....

it was tense.

[Blackbird]

Beau, do people run away from you groaning and holding their noses after you tell one of these?
Do you inflict them on the fleet during light-air postponements?

[BeauV]

Beau, do people run away from you groaning and holding their noses after you tell one of these?
Do you inflict them on the fleet during light-air postponements?

I've been known to start rounds of Knock-Knock jokes while we're all waiting for wind. There is a lot of groaning and sometimes an empty beer can comes my way - I'm sure they mean it as a gift for the recycle value

[Orestes Munn]

The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar.....

it was tense.

My kind of joke.

[Blackbird]

Yeah. Mine too. I'll probably inflict it on someone tonight!

[BeauV]

Knock knock?

Uh.... who's there?

Gorilla

(uh oh) .... Gorilla who?

Gorilla my dreams I love you!
(sung to the tune of Girl of my dreams I love You!)

I'll get my hat now....

[Orestes Munn]

What's blue and smells like red paint?




Blue paint.

[Ish]

Two guys are walking down the street, and they come across a dog licking his balls.

"Jeez, wish I could do that" sez one guy.

Helpful friend: "Well, I'll hold his head if you want to give it a try".

[floating dutchman]

Good prank.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jazrxe4tBFo[/youtube]