I just can't resist! You'll just have to look away.....

[Jamie]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEYLoT66Z6Q[/youtube]

No subtitles required?

[BeauV]

This just in today:

[Orestes Munn]

This just in today:

That dog is so shaggy it can barely walk! Points for seasonality.

[Jamie]

This has been done many times, but this one is pretty funny.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaJ5nO7HJVE[/youtube]

[Jamie]

How many internet forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?
13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...

[SemiSalt]

6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

My grandfather who was an EE back when that meant winding copper wire to make coils, would have called it a lamp.

[LarryHoward]

You left out Brent Swain posting that all previous posters are idiots and only steel light bulbs are truly useful.

[Ish]

You left out Brent Swain posting that all previous posters are idiots and only steel light bulbs are truly useful.

Followed by stories of how his light bulb had bashed on a reef for ten years and it worked just like it did when it was new.

[Jamie]

6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

My grandfather who was an EE back when that meant winding copper wire to make coils, would have called it a lamp.

They've got that covered:" 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp: 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp"

However, it seems there is just no accounting for the likes of BS.

[BeauV]

Did I read that sign right?
“TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so.)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife
And Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya' think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
********************************************************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
**********************************************************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
***********************************************************************************************
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
*********************************************************************************************

[Olaf Hart]

This is for real.

Headline of the year

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/polic ... qrdga.html

[BeauV]

This is for real.

Headline of the year

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/polic ... qrdga.html

One of many reasons I love Australia!! I guess that guy was trying to harden the F*** up!

[BeauV]

LEXOPHILIA –

WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP? A lexophile of course!
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

[JoeP]

Thanks Beau. I was running low on puns.

[Tigger]

10492167_1050821235031497_6306914664819723488_n.jpg

14364633_1050821265031494_5152801033630337087_n.jpg

Statutory Rape? Or a Moosedemeanor?

Both species are pretty horny!

[JoeP]

You might enjoy this one Beau:

datacenter_scale.png

[BeauV]

Joe, I LOVE that!! As someone who has built: Disk drives, RAID systems, Server based redundancy, Data Center based redundancy, etc.... I can completely relate!! BV

[BeauV]

Hey, engine mounts were on back order!!

[Jamie]

Very entertaining....

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSMW8lPbL1M[/youtube]

[Jamie]

Some humor to lighten the mood

[Tigger]

Need an off-beat gift for Christmas?

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/ ... -1.3866093

[BeauV]

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.

[floating dutchman]

Due to recent earthquakes in New Zealand driving conditions are a bit more difficult.

just_speed_up_a_bit._you_got_this._6417484506.jpg

[BeauV]

Mad skills at driving

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/drunk-driver-car-thruough-russia-airport-terminal-kazan-international-a7491951.html

[JoeP]

Mad skills at driving

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/drunk-driver-car-thruough-russia-airport-terminal-kazan-international-a7491951.html

Must have been Jeremy Clarksonski.

[BeauV]

Once upon a time ...
The king called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The royal weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain for at least 4 days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area."


The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "Thanks for your concern, but don't worry. It's not going to rain today. I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the king continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.


Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtained the information about rain today from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain very soon." So the king hired the donkey instead.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.

The practice is unbroken to this day!... I'm

[JoeP]

Salt.jpg

[cap10ed]

A Polish immigrant went to the MTO DriveTest Centre to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The examiner showed him a card with the letters

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.

" Can you read this? "the examiner asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, " I know the guy."

[BeauV]

Ed, I love the above ^^^

As y'all know I have two little granddaughters. I decided they should know what Stadium Rock is all about, so we started with Joey's drumming! They love it!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaGvH450jRM[/youtube]

[Olaf Hart]

Just in case you were wondering.

Oz USA translator

https://mobile.twitter.com/RjurikDavids ... 40/photo/1