by Ajax » Tue Nov 27, 2018 7:38 am
Nope.
I enjoy the occasional entertaining and occasional overnight guests and I enjoy visits from my daughters but there's no way I'm letting my kids boomerang back on me. I like my home peaceful and quiet, just me and my wife. My home is very modest and not built for long guest stays or multi-family living and that was 100% intentional. My dog finally passed away a couple of years ago, now I'm waiting on my wife's cats to shuffle off their mortal coil and that's taking too long for my tastes.
When I helped my remaining home-bound 21 year old daughter land a job in gov't contracting that paid nearly as much as my wife makes with a friggin' master's degree in biology, I sat her down in the living room and with a totally straight face and I said-
"Anna?"
"Yes, dad?"
"Get out."
Now she knew that I was partially joking and we had a good laugh. She knows I have a brutal, brusque, totally inappropriate sense of humor, but there was a wealth of meaning buried in those two words.
Left to her own devices, she would have never moved out, never established her independence, or developed important life skills such as saving money, retirement planning, would sponge off of my health plan and any other resource that I might provide, basically indefinitely if I hadn't put a hard limit on her. She was timid, lacked confidence in herself and entirely too comfortable. I needed to make her uncomfortable.
Kicking her out was good for her. She was earning an insane amount of money for someone her age and I opened up doors for her that have led to several rapid pay and position increases and she was basically pissing it away. She had ample resources to strike out on her own even in an area as expensive as the DC capitol region. Now, she's married, saving money, doing great at work, she's a homeowner and a responsible member of society. There's very little chance that she's going to boomerang back to the nest, which is as it should be, as far as I'm concerned. She lives nearby, so we have plenty of family interaction, which is also as it should be.
My other daughter chose an artistic career path and makes far less money but she actually struck out on her own first to get out from under the "dad's roof, dad's rules" situation. She wanted her independence and privacy. She's single and rents a basement in Baltimore while she wraps up her degree. Considering her lower pay and living expenses, she surprised me by informing me of the very tidy sum she's saved up. She ain't coming back home either. She chose a more difficult path and is doing well with it.
Grandkids? One daughter doesn't want children, ever. She still has several years to change her mind though. The other daughter thinks she wants one child sometime within the next 5-6 years.
As far as I'm concerned, there are far too many humans on this planet. If I never become a grandparent, I'd be perfectly happy with that. If I do become a grandparent, I will accept the role and do the best I can.
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